Making Space for Changes

I had a dream last night, I don’t really remember it…I remember thinking right when I woke up…wow that was so real. I remember the theme was about leaving somewhere and really struggling to finish saying goodbye so I could close the door after me. This is a very important theme in my life for sure. In my young life I had always been concerned about how everyone else around me was feeling more than following my own heart. That has changed so much in the last 3-4 years. I am now prepared to close doors and pivot when the time feels right. That does not mean that it is by any means Easy to do…but trust and courage are what I lean on.

I stayed in a corporate job for 17 years about 5 years too long if I am honest. There were for sure perks to that job. But for the most part, I felt like I was unable to fully be myself there, I felt that I was always being told my voice or opinion was not needed. I was really good at assessing the room, who needed what, who wanted to do most or all of the talking, and who was offended by my input. I was good at hosting guests, training new staff, and connecting departments with the knowledge they needed to do their jobs better. I fell into this role gradually over the years, it was not in my official job description and there were a lot of times that I felt that I was not seen as doing anything of value. This is kind of an invisible job, without tangible success markers. Most of the time I felt good to be able to help others and do these roles that no one else wanted to do. But in the larger scheme of things, this came so naturally to me that I did not see it as valuable. My self-worth suffered and I began to see myself as a background character with nothing much to contribute. Closing the door to this part of my life was so hard. I felt broken. It took me a long time to recover my self worth and my confidence.

I realized after closing that door that I don’t need to ever put myself through that again. When I feel myself feeling small and struggling to show up in an authentic way…When things do not feel like they fit I can choose to honour myself and move on.

It is really ironic to me now that in my role as a space holder and energy alchemist I am using the same skills that I mastered in that corporate job. The difference is now that I can see and feel the value in my innate gifts. Sometimes the things that come easy can feel insignificant. Sometimes we think that the greatest things come from struggle and pushing In closing the door on my old corporate job I am able to bring forth my confidence again and feel such gratitude for all the things I have been through in life that have made me better at my job today. Daily with clients I am picking up on what is not being said, I am bringing your body what it needs to do it’s own self-healing. I am so proud to say that now I fully know that these skills are useful.

Sometimes a change of environment can totally shift how your innate gifts are used and valued. It is worth the courage and trust that it takes to make the changes.

I think my dream helped me fully close the door to this idea that my natural gifts to asses the room and know what people are looking for is a gift that I can be proud of. Through this tough pivot and other smaller pivots I have made in the last few year, I have built the confidence to make moves when a situation that I am in is no longer fitting me, but trusting that I will find my way.